Here we go. Ducks Home Game 7, following a completely inexplicable loss to Phoenix. (Okay, not completely inexplicable. Alexander Auld. There, I explained it) I am saddened that the game is preceded on FSN Prime by a local golf tournament. Not even PGA. Local. Oy. But that's okay, cause it's Duck time. Apparently the big story this game is going to be DUSTIN PENNER returns to Anaheim. OMG. Aww...
Period One:
The starting lineup:
Giggy, Hnidy, Parros, Marchant, May, and Beauchemin.
They're playing goons, this is gonna be a messy one. Yay! If they say "former Duck Dustin Penner" every time, I may scream. No, we're gonna talk more about Penner's new salary than the ACTUAL HOCKEY.
16:26 Garon...decides to take a holiday out of the net. Dude. Maintain your post.
15:07 Ducks pass so much better than Oilers. Seriously, dudes, you're supposed to pass the puck to each other, not the boards. Well done, Oilers.
14:06 Miller and a pair of Oilers forget they're playing hockey and try for soccer instead. Whoops. Use your sticks, not your skates, boys.
13:11 Ducks go on the power play as Joe DiPenta abruptly sits on the ice for no apparent reason.
11:54 Power play unit NOT LOOKING GOOD. Skating past the puck does not a goal make. And Sammy Pahlsson hits the bars. Which has been the story of late for Ducks...
9:50 Beauchemin goes down for slashing. Damn it, men! Kill the penalty!
8:50 Beauchemin is really Wirttinan. Bad announcers, no biscuit.
7:45 Oilers #19 Marty Reasoner, wild swinging of the stick at Ducks will not acquire you the puck.
Chris Pronger fails at drinking water out of a bottle, hits nose instead. Ladies and Gentlemen, your Duck captain.
7:19 Hemsky scores on a one-timer. 0-1 Oilers.
6:10 Edmonton player spends about 20 seconds standing behind the net with the puck. Not going anywhere. The crowd is understandably peeved.
5:25 Garon lies on his stomach on the ice. The puck is not under him. Oops.
3:10 BOOOO!!! Giggy gets hit behind the net, loses his helmet in a hit with Raffi Torres. BOOOOO!!!
2:45 Corey Perry on the forecheck. Well done.
2:00 Jason King is hipchecked onto his face. No penalty. Call something refs!
48 sec Pahlsson takes a hooking penalty, even though the Oiler was halfway down when the stick got near him. Damn it, refs, not like that!
END OF PERIOD ONE
Period Two:
20:00 Still 1:11 left in the Pahlsson penalty.
18:59 Sean O'Donell cross checks an Oiler into Giggy. Bad plan, New penalty.
14:50 Parros checks hard, no penalty. Well done.
8:09 CHRIS KUNITZ SCORES ON AN ASSIT FROM COREY PERRY!!! BOOYAH!!!
6:36 All I'm hearing off the ice is "GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!". It's kinda funny actually.
00:00 Ducks are all momentum. Oilers are all worn out.
END PERIOD TWO
PERIOD THREE:
18:24 The name I've heard more than any other this game is Dustin Penner. You'd swear he was everyone's favourite.
17:58 Hooking penalty, Ducks. The announcers tell me that there are retired LAPD officers working security between the GM booths tonight to keep Burke and the Oiler GM from starting anything. Ooookaaaay, dudes.
16:45 This PP is so dull, FSN forgets to put the penalty graphic under the clock. Whoops. PK very successful.
16:00 GEEBUZ. Sam Gagner had the puck behind Giggy. It didn't actually go in. Phew.
14:29 Basically the same thing happens at the other end of the ice. The hell?'
13:21 Instead of hockey, we get lots of film of George Parros and his pornstache. I don't object.
12:10 Corey Perry with the score!!!! Corey Perry, you're my favourite little weaselly mobster hockey player...Beautiful pass from Andy McD, very well done.
10:39 Zach Stortini slams Parros against the boards, looking for a fight. Parros laughs in his face and refuses to drop his gloves. Stortini goes to the box. Parros goes on the ice.
6:03 Hand pass. Whoops.
5:17 Puck lands on top of Ducks goal. No one can find it. Oops.
2:55 Staios in the box. Come on DUCKS!!!
1:27 Edmonton scores. Damn damn damn.
00:00 Still tied, into overtime. Damn damn damn.
OT:
NO ONE IS SCORING DAMNIT. I HATE SHOOTOUTS.
SHOOTOUT:
Perry: No.
Gagner: Yes.
Kunitz: No.
Oiler: Yes.
Ducks lose.
Giggy is not pleased. He smashed his stick into the goal. Bastard Oilers. End game.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
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